Emotional Strains

EMOTIONAL STRAINS
by Bill Tarling

Reprinted with permission of copyright holder

We live our lives in quest of the Grail, yet few of us truly prepare for the journey. Like any major expedition, we're aware of the need for the proper preparations. Foolishly, however, we most often fail to note the damage we blindly trail pursuing our ambitions.

I'm not talking about the rigors of building you career, but rather the emotional strains on the team which travels with you. Family, friends, co-workers: they are your team, and it isn't fair to drag them along without taking in their consideration.

SUFFER ONE - SUFFER ALL

Overnight success is a misnomer in the entertainment field. Failure and suffering for artists are common. It'll be made even rougher if you don't consider how your choice of life will affect those around you. You may feel you have the support of your mate, your family, and even your friends, but how well do they understand your challenges ahead?

When you first decided to enter the business, you likely determined you would refuse to accept anything less than success. You may be equipped with all the proper training and contacts, but have you unfairly drawn others along, unprepared? The reason I ask is because your struggles will quickly become theirs to bear as well.

Working as a starving artist can rip at your heart. Depression and rejection can take their toll. Your moods will swing from the ecstasy of a job, to the pits of a phone that refuses to ring. We may try to put on our actors' face during the slow times, but usually only around strangers. Those who live with us from day to day will most often see, and share, our true pain. They are the ones to which we tend to target our frustrations.

ANGERS OF DEPRESSION

If you're lucky, you'll be met with initial support from those you most love. "Reach for your dreams." They do indeed hope the best for your happiness and would love nothing more than to see you attain your goals. Their belief and confidence in you lends added strength to your drive. Unfortunately, we have a habit of burdening them when all is not going as planned.

Is it any wonder that performers so often marry other performers? It would seem the logical choice or preference. They can appreciate what urges us so strongly to our careers. Regrettably, life isn't so simple. Instead, you now have the union of two people working in a very insecure profession.

It's easy to feel anger brewing: the other's career appears in full bloom while ours weeps abandoned. Though we may not admit it openly, we thrive on competition while we lead, but wane when falling behind.

Of course we do our best to show our praise for the other's success, but deep inside we fester feelings of inadequacy within ourselves. It's hard to continually show applause when inside we feel our own careers are nearing extinction. Secretly, we long for relevelling the equality within the marriage.

Those married to others outside our craft must face alternate burdens. Have you ever tried explaining our drive and motivation to an industry outsider? For the uninitiated, descriptions of our bizarre world are riddled with alien concepts. To them, we are simply grasping at invisible straws or playing make believe when we should be searching for real work. You know, something a little more realistic and secure: in other words, "a normal job."

How long can our mate tolerate our somberness as we idle through the house while they must carry the load of the growing pile of bills? Sadness cripples us further as we are faced explaining to our youngest why we can't afford that new toy. Socializing with our friends becomes an ordeal to avoid as they smile in attempted comfort with a "don't worry, I'll cover the tab [again]"... and again... and again.

When we aren't working, we are the most unpleasantly depressing people. Every smile of compassion strikes like a dagger of pity. Every word of encouragement weighs a load of reminders of our unemployment. As our depression grows, our moods drag down those we care about most. Soon, they too would prefer to simply avoid us: and the tension we bring as baggage.

Depression breeds further depression...We feel even more inadequate and alone

TAKE INVENTORY OF THOSE NEARBY

If you are still determined to pursue your passion, at least take note of how the struggles will affect those in your life:

	Can your relationship with your current or future mate withstand the burdens of your struggles: both emotionally and financially?
	How will your social life be affected? Can friends understand the requirements of your unusual work schedule? How readily will they accept the needs for your habitual canceling of planned gatherings due to sudden calls to auditions and set?
	Do you still have time for commitments to your various social clubs and organizations any longer?
	How will the untimely calls affect your "normal" job? How prepared is your boss to let you off work at a moment's notice? Regularly? Are your coworkers honestly willing to meet the need to cover your workload while you're off "playing"?
	How will the bills be paid during the slack periods? Can your mate strain through the needs of financially supporting the family during these times?
	We all start off in hopes and expectations of success, but how long before others in turn get frustrated or fed up with our elusive search? What is your alternative should your aspirations prove too evasive?
	What other commitments will now be affected as you dedicate your time to your craft? If you are still young, what education have you got as backup? How will you support yourself between jobs? How will you support those dependant upon you?
	How well can you handle rejection? How well can you handle depression?

If you want a real challenge: sit down and write out your response to each of the above. It's too easy to simply breeze off an answer unless we seriously commit it to paper. It may even help salvage some relationships before it's too late.

COMMUNICATE NOW

Even if you're already in the business, take some time to check how others feel about you and your career now. Have they noticed a change in your attitudes? Has it been for the better? For the worse? Even more important, do they feel you've been neglecting them?

A serious heart-to-heart will offer the opportunity for you to express your drive and fears. Help those not in the industry to understand our business best as possible. Let them know that, should you be short with them at times, it's merely the pressures and grind of our trade.

Try to set aside specific days dedicated to your children and loved ones. It will help soften the loneliness they'll feel during the times when your schedule is insane with work. Let them know you care.

TREASURE TO BE CHERISHED

You probably feel this has been a bizarre choice of topic for our industry, but you would be amazed at how little attention and consideration we give to those we take for granted. If you hope to have the support of the team throughout your career expedition, make sure they're prepared for the rigors ahead. This is not a path you will travel alone.

I only hope you're fortunate enough to have as strong support as my own wife has sanctioned me through these past years. I know my moods have put her through Hell and back. If it weren't for her strength, and our pensive discussions right from the start, who knows where I would be now. Most likely alone...

Treasure the comfort of those near, and try your best to never let the relationships stray too far. You've got a very long journey to face, don't make it any tougher for those you're dragging along...

Bill Tarling is an experienced Extra and Principal performer working primarily out of Canada.
He has also authored "In The Background... An Extra's Handbook" (ISBN 0-88924-267-4),
edited and with additional material by Peter Messaline,
released through Simon & Pierre Publishing.
Available throughout Canada, US, and UK
Also alvailable: Online Orders!